Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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