She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hippo gnu deer
You took a bar mat shot.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
being pregnant is like rehab
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
