Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
