Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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