Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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