you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
