I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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