her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
