what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
