She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
