Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
COCAINE IS GR8
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
