he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
