If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
