You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
