I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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