Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
