i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
