no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
