if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
