Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
