it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
