Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
