M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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