hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
