People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
