I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
