I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
