On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
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I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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