the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
