for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
