You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Still dying that you shit outside
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
