I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
