we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
