I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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