My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
