I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
