I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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