I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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