I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
