We're like a lot better than the average bears
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
