Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
