So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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