Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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