Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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