he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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