best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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