Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
