I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
