meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
