I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
