I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
