So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
