You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
