making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
