So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We need to get me chipped asap
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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