There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This toilet bowl is my home.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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