alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
