Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
