it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
