if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
porn star boner night. come get it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
