i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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