Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
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When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
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I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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