my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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