Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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