I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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