And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
