god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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