batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
