Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't turn off my feet"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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