somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
