Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
