This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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