to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
