forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
