just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
